Update 9/20/09

I'm moving back to Plattsburgh!!!!!!!!
just got a cheap $275 a month studio apartment.
complete with bathroom, full kitchen & closets!
I'm so pumped to be going home!!! it does feel like home to me now.

Crown Of Lions has a weekend tour coming up this friday, saturday!!



Plus recording the 5 song ep. should be going down next month with Ethan Henry (Earth Crisis, Freya, Action Bath) as our producer. we're looking forward to that.

We're also planning a 3 day tour with Heal These Wounds in October for Plattsburgh, Burlington, NY and Albany. We're all very excited for that to go down.

Basically life has been devoted to school work and trying to get financially back on track. i really want to get in a state where i can start taking some responsibility for the welfare, upbringing of my son. Baby steps, basically.

i've been outta college for the last 3yrs now, so it's been a big adjustment going straight back as a full-time online student. but i have faith in myself that i can pass all of my classes. I've decided to apply too CCC next year, so that i can take on campus classes as well as online.


Just got a new PDA. this thing has Window's Media Play, GPS Application, Wi-Fi connection and everything else. it's basically my new lover! i don't like being the dude who glamorizes his new toys. but with all of the traveling and shit i do, this thing is gonig to be a lifesaver on the road!

that's about all at the moment. i'll try and make sure i update sooner, rather than weeks from now.


p.s. i want to move to Oklahoma. believe me, i have my reasons.<333

Rant #4,823,567,890,000,000

So i recently made friends with a girl who i think is an absolute sweetheart. but like so many ladies i meet, she is extremely self-conscious, and convinced she's hideous and un-wanted by anyone. what upsets me is still in this day and age, even in hardcore, mainstream or any stream that the media and society work hard to make people feel like shit about themselves. The magazines and the TV screen tell you how to look, what to wear and what to like. being ugly is socially unacceptable. but honestly dude, what the fuck is the true classification of ugly. what the magazines tell us, what the media tells us. people believe so much of the crap we are fed by media news stands and celebrity magazines that we honestly have just come to mentally accept specific traits as being the defining characteristics of "ugly".

i honestly think that no one is ugly, you can make yourself a hideous person by the way you act and present yourself in this world, and you can be ugly if you go completely out your way to change yourself to fit the mold of what society views as "beautiful". I've had enough friends almost have their lives ruined because of this, and I'm sick of it.

This brings me to a friend of mine who deals with it every single day, and i wish she knew that i think the absolute world of her as a friend and a person of beauty. so what if ignorant, excuse me... close minded and insensitive people think of you. just because you don't look like the girls in the magazine does not mean you're not a stone cold fox.
those girls basically starve themselves and work out non-stop to get like that. or many of them have never been chubby a day in their lives. this is the best part of the human condition. WE CAN ALL BE UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL IN OUR OWN SPECIAL WAY.

appreciate who you are on the inside and on the outside. I'm done looking and desiring specific types of girls just because that's what the world tells me I'm supposed to be attracted too. Fuck you! i could say that as long as you have a great personality and heart of passion, you're the most beautiful person on earth but this takes me back a step on my point here. blur the lines. see a person for who they really are, not for personal appearance or style. life's way to damn short for that, and you could miss out on the best thing in your life if you're so judgemental and close-minded about someone you meet. LOVE EVERYONE!!!


p.s. if you're reading this, and you're one of those people who constantly cuts others down and talks shit about someone for their weight, or physical appearance. congratulations, you've proven to us just how much you truly hate yourself. news flash, making others feel like shit will never fill the pathetic, empty hole in your heart. just thought you should know. =)

holy crap man

my sister just got married.

I'm turning 27 next Friday.

my son is sprouting teeth and learning how to walk and talk.

where does the time go?

and is 27 to young for a mid-life crisis?



NEVER AGAIN


WALKING DEAD

Wartime Souvenirs

so much has been running through my head lately, it's been hard to take a moment long enough to write it all down. This song seems to be the one consistent thing running through my head that was easy to Google, copy & paste. don't you wish thoughts and life could be so simple. i mean, i think that's why it's supposed to be an adventure. they'll say "life is an adventure, so you better enjoy it while it lasts". i guess that's why it's never easy. you have to work for it man. you gotta make it what you can make it, no matter what. going in with love and compassion not just for others, but for yourself. i don't know anymore. i need to get outta this place for a while. i need to feel like my life, my music and my ideals mean something more. i need to smile more. i need to forgive myself for all of my mistakes. i need to stop making mistakes. i need to kiss my son more. i need feeling something real again. i need to stop missing you so much...



How easily we forget,
How easily we comply.
Today are we even the splinter
On the hand that pulls the trigger?

They're still dropping bombs in the name of the city that we live in.
They're still dropping bombs in the name of the city that we live in.

If time has exhausted us, then fuck us all.
Holding solace in what we did
Can't get anything done today.
We feel self important too easily,
Backs are sore from the back patting.

Oh how easily we're pacified
By bullshit like TV shows on DVD.

It shouldn't take an election to remind us that there's a war on.
It shouldn't take a song
For us to come together and scream
That "We're still here and we're still pissed."

Remember the anger from five years ago.
Just like our parents, we've spent
Most of our twenties with a war on.
We leave legacies of tax-dollar land mines.
We're too caught up in our own shit
To consider, to consider any of it.

How easily we forget,
How easily we comply.
Today are we even the splinter
On the hand that pulls the trigger?

They're still dropping bombs in the name of the city that we live in.

2010 ECO-FRIENDLY SUMMER BIKE TOUR WITH IANN & KATT XVX!!!

so a good friend of mine from Albany facebook'ed me while i was in Syracuse talking about how we should bike to buffalo before the summer was over and we both went off to college for the year. sort of an end of the summer, "hello responsibility" trip. now what i hadn't really realized about my good friend Katt XVX is that she is also a folk/punkish acoustic singer & song writer. now we both definitely share many of the same views in Veganism, Straight Edge as well as political, social, and ethical ideals; and we also agree on the perspective of bikes being an environmentally, ethical and self liberating/fulfilling form of traveling. I'm not saying automobiles are the devil, because that would be hypocritical of me to say. but if i can travel long distances efficiently by bicycle, the I'm gonna do it. no questions asked.

Now. the idea came about very spontaneously while puttering around the house bored out of my skull. I just instantly thought how rad it would be if Katt and I packed some cloths, sleeping bags, guitars stuffed in milk crates with bungee cords on the back of our bikes and rode around the northeast for two weeks playing house shows, dumpster diving, sleeping in parks and busking on city streets. I also had the idea of us putting together a 6 to 8 song split Cd's, with all hand made, spray painted sleeves to sell on the tour.

In theory, this is 100% possible to execute. two people. both vegan, riding bikes that would require no gas to power. inevitably insuring that all money that was made from shows, demo sales & busking would go straight into feeding us and paying for minor bike repairs that we may have to make while on the road.

this has always been a dream of mine to be able to do. and it's rad that i have a friend that is just as equally excited about making this trip a reality.

right now I'll be spending the fall and winter months cataloging venues & collectives and hopefully soon we'll be plotting out a set travel route for the tour. as soon as we've determined the route that we wanna take, we'll be able to start booking shows in specific locations based on the dates that we'll be biking through those areas. I'd love to be able to book the entire two weeks solid so that we have shows every night. But we all know how touring goes. shows fall through, venues can't help you, etc. so even still, a few days off will be nice. especially since we'll be biking the whole time and playing when we're not traveling. a few days off from playing to rest and gather strength will be excellent.

right now off the top of my head, these are a few places I'm thinking to travel through that i know have a few good collectives. Buffalo, Syracuse, Earlville, Ithaca, Watertown, Ogdensburg, Plattsburgh, Albany, Poughkeepsie, Brooklyn NYC, Waterbury & New Haven Connecticut, Providence Rhode Island, Boston Massachusetts, Portland and Bangor Maine, Brattleboro & Burlington Vermont and possibly anywhere else we can find that will fit in our route.

i know i speak for myself and hopefully for Katt, that the summer of 2010, is going to be the greatest summer ever.


to be continued...

Syracuse Trip Top 20

1. that moment we shared during Wall.E, that I'll never forget.

2. gorgeous late night rain storm on Megan's porch.

3. Black SS, Sick Fix, Coke Bust, No Connection Show at SPARK Art Space.

4. Running into the dudes from Attempted Control.

5. Amazing T.L.T. & Chocolate Milkshakes at Strong Hearts.

6. that night i was alone in the city & how beautiful it all looked as the sun set.

7. BBQ Tofu & Vegenaise Subs from the Syracuse Real Food CO-OP.

8. Getting my acceptance letter from OCC.

9. every awesome in depth conversation we shared together.

10. getting prank phone called by Max at 2am while i was half asleep.

11. watching that tree get hit by lighting while i was under an overpass during the storm.

12. Sound Garden Music Store.

13. sitting in the park at sun down eating hummus/tofu sandwiches.

14. intense 6 hour walk up and down Erie Blvd. E & the Fresco Bean Taco's.

15. Enjoying the Fireworks from Megan's car on the highway.

16. My intense, but amazing 1hr walk across Syracuse to the bus station.

17. watching Across The Universe while you were at work.

18. Remembering how beautiful you looked that day you went to church with your friends.

19. my love for Recess Coffee House

20. our very last kiss.

So there goes my life
Passing by with every exit sign
It's been so long
Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong
No sleep tonight
I'll keep on driving these dark highway lines
And as the moon fades
One more night gone, only twenty more days

But I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now

And there goes my life
Passing by with every departing flight
And its been so hard
So much time so far apart
And she walks the night
How many hearts will die tonight
And when things have changed
I guess I'll find out in seventeen days

But I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now

My body aches
And it hurts to say
No one is moving
And I wish that I weren't here tonight
But this is my life.

And I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now

And I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now

Dear Everyone: what i hate more than fireworks on the fourth of july

is stand alone on a bridge watching them while some very apparently happy couple is sucking face next to me. i am officially done with being alone. =(

finished all of my college stuff today for OCC. now all i have to do is wait and see if i even get accepted. everyone seems to think that I'm guaranteed to be accepted, so I'm not to worried about it.




I'm heading to Syracuse on Monday for a week or so. if I'm lucky and find a job, i more than likely won't be coming back. i love my band and i love this area, but I'm seriously almost 30 years old for Christ sake. it's fucking time for me to move on with my life and start preparing for the future. I need to get a career going and start providing for myself and for Aiden. I'm way to damn old to continue living this mediocre life. I'm not at all saying that the punk scene and the diy culture no longer has anything to offer me. all I'm saying is that i feel like I've out grown it in alot of ways. I'm still 100% apart of everything that punk rock stands for, but now i feel like i really need to just find my own way of representing it, on a different life path. we'll see what happens in the next few weeks/months.

Albany with Ghost Mice

so last night was an epic adventure that i would rather just leave stuck in the time zone in which it happened in. As of 10pm last night, I have been an emotional wreck. My Syracuse trip is being postponed till atleast next week or so. It's really not something i want to go into great detail about. but my heart is aching harder than i think it has in years.


when you love someone. truly love someone. embrace it. i know that you are following your dreams and making your life the best you can make it. but please do not be afraid that love will hold you down and keep you from those goals. love is a beautiful thing and there is someone right here who has those same goals and aspirations and would do anything to see you succeed. would love you regardless of circumstances. you're an independent, smart and strong willed person and you make my heart smile and butterflies flutter in my stomach. i wish you would just take a chance on me...


applying for jobs in Syracuse online all day tomorrow.
i need to get my college & high school transcripts into OCC
need to find some purpose in all of this.
i need to be in Syracuse starting my life.
this north country wasteland is playing head games with me.
i need someone to tell me they love me more than just a friend. =(

it's currently 1:30 in the morning and i'll keep this one short.

i had one hell of a weekend. it's Thursday and i was officially on the road for a whole week. ended up in Plattsburgh last Thursday or Wednesday, i think. Tuesday was Aiden's first birthday. But unfortunately it was not the great celebration it was supposed to be. instead of cake, presents, singing happy birthday and blowing out the candle. i was sent home so Kassi could roll with her juggalo homies all night doing god knows. Happy Birthday Aiden.<3333

Thursday i found out the CO-OP backed out on letting me have my show there. thankfully i went out to Gilligan's Getaway to see Priests Of Leisure & Ota Benga play and the owner let me move the show there. I was rediculously nervous spending every second posting bullitens and advertising the new venue.

Friday was fucking spectacular!!!


the venue is this huge remodled warehouse with a pool table and video games. a pro sound system and crazy lights, a stage with drum riser, tables, consession stand, the works.

we had about 100 or more kids show up. all the bands walked away with 70 bucks in gas money. and i must say it was my BEST show thus far.

thanks so much to PARADISE OF THE BLOOD ARMY, MY COUSIN VINNY, OF GODS AND DESTROYERS and CALIFORNIA for making friday so amazing for everyone who came out!


saturday consisted of rain and getting lost on our way to Crossgates to meet up with Amber. i ended up grabing Starbucks & chinese food, and heading out to the Muddy Cup with Justin to jam out. back to Ambers for some sleep. bummed around the next day. Picked up Justin, Little Anthony's on Central Ave. for some steller vegan sausage & cheese pizza. headed up to Lark St. for the show. Hung outside and shot the shit with Dave Gunn and a few of his friends. Went inside, set up my merch table and proceeded to pump out an amazing acoustic set. sold a few cd's. made a couple bucks from the door. Calib Lionheart was really good. HEATHERS from Dublin Ireland absolutely blew my flippin' mind and of course Ghost Mice was absolutly spectacular. (I'll post video's sometime this weekend.)

Bought a few records, said my goodbyes and headed back to get some sleep. got a lift back to plattsburgh from Amber and her friend Abby. ended up at Goose's. headed to the mall for taco's and to meet up with a few of his friends. back to his house for cheesy salsa pasta, Diary Of The Dead and texting Hannah till bed.

caught the bus home to Potsdam.

Hardcore show on Friday in Massena with Veera Gander, South Hollywood Shootout, The Terror Scene & Corpse Defiler. i have a terrible feeling this will be my last show with Crown Of Lions...

Working my ass off all weekend doing yard work for my dad so i can make bus fare and some extra spending cash.


MONDAY: I'm hoping a bus to Syracuse to spend a week or two with Hannah. Do some extensive job hunting, getting a feel for the city and just spending time with her.
i'm so tired of this, all of it. i feel completely shut out from this world. i feel like i can't do anything with my life or provide for my son like i should be doing. St. Lawrence County has become a vast pit of quicksand, and if i don't get the hell out of it now, i'm gonna wake up at 50 years old buried up to my forehead in it, drowning. So i'm done with it.

I'm moving to the city, & going back to college. MY LIFE STARTS NOW.

to be continued...

Saturday is a very dull day.
i didn't really accomplish anything today but filling out some job applications.
filled my mp3 player and before bed I'm pumping out a few copies of my ep. for the Albany show next Sunday. I seriously spent all last week either puttering around the house eating every stitch of food i could eat. or walking for 4 straight hours into town to drop off & pick up applications. blah.

JCC in Watertown sent me a letter in the mail. i have ot fax them my high school/college transcripts on Monday (along with calling Bob's in Pburgh to try and secure a p.a. for the show Friday.) I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that i get an acceptance letter from OCC. i really want to move to Syracuse bad. but we'll see how my life path wants to be pathed.

I need to stop procrastinating the 3 books i started reading, yet haven't finished yet.

Aiden's birthday is the 16th. I'm taking a huge chunk of change from the money i made doing work for my dad, to buy him some presents like cloths and food. you know, things he'll actually need. I'm looking forward to celebrating his first birthday. this is sort of a really big deal for me, so I'm really excited.

And i had a fit of depression last night. the fact that I'm almost 30 and i haven't done anything with my life (really) just sorta kicked me in the ass, hard. you know, the fear of dying is kinda setting in, but not just dying parse. more like dying without fulfilling a real purpose. i know being vegan is number one of the being a great way to preventing cruelty to animals (the whole "one less meat eater" thing.) but sometime i get this urge to go out and just start sniping wire fence's and hacking down barns & stales, busting open cages, anything! it's really tough when you wanna save everyone and everything you can, but you just don't do it. i don't want to be one of those people who just bitches about it all my life. i wanna be a doer. It all goes back to this old zine i got called Strong Hearts, written by a native American, vegan animal rights activist from the 80's who was arrested and sent to jail for sabotaging whaling boats. he rights, publishes and sends the copies of his zines out from jail. it's so amazing hearing the stories of this guy or of his friends and how they actually fight against the outrageous conditions that animals suffer, not just on factory farms, but fur farms and in other cruel environments. risking their lives and freedom just to save another living being from harm & suffering. I WANNA DO THAT STUFF. it gets my blood pumping just thinking about making a change not just for an animal, but even for another living person. maybe one day I'll have the sheer determination to make a difference like that. oh, well.

i need next weekend to come already!!!

AND SOMEONE TELL ME TO STOP LISTENING TO SO MUCH FOUR YEAR STRONG & SET YOUR GOALS!!!

I guess the only possible way i could start this blogging thing off right, is with lyrics to a Paul Baribeau song. It's exactly how my life is going right now, give or take a few inexact details. But this is about the long and short of it.

PAUL BARIBEAU - Christmas Lights

fresh snow on the suburbs
staying at my parents
it hasn't been a good year
but things are all right here

sleeping in the spare room
that used to be my bedroom
even though I'm home now
I feel completely homeless

I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights

walking round the basement
where my band used to practice
sometimes I don't want to make new friends
sometimes I just miss my old friends

but I'm seeing someone new now
she calms my heart down
but I'm too scared to tell her
how crazy I can get sometimes

I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights


I never feel better after I cry
I spent 6 months of my life just wanting to die
I'm learning how to be alone without be lonely
learning how to be lonely without losing my mind


I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights

i'll write something more detailed, later when i feel like it.